I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
