Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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