hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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