i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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