i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
