Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
