Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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