i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
