Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
