I heard we made out
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
