We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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