I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
