She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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