and next time when you feel me up, do it right
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
