You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
