He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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