I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
