apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize
