What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
