sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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