OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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