I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
