Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
