I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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