This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
