'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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