I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
