Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
