Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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