i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
