dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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