Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
