dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
