how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
