Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are a genius and a whore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
