so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
