I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
