i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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