Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the high leading the old right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
