I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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