Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
