matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
