Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
