so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
