Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
