There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
