you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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