After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
