I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
