Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
