you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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