My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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