its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
