I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
